I had a bit of an angry run yesterday. I built up a conversation in my head that will probably never happen, with someone that hasn't been in my life for months. I'm angry at them but also pretty angry with myself that I'm still letting myself feel this way. I've been trying to figure out for awhile why it is I'm still so hurt. Part of it is because I feel very betrayed, like I just didn't matter...but I think the biggest part is because I'm scared of letting anyone else in and if I'm still angry then it will keep me from doing so. In a lot of ways, I've grown exponentially as a person and I'm actually very happy and content. Then there are the days that are quieter, that I have to myself and I just can't help but to feel a bit worthless and lonely. How can you feel lonely when you're surrounded with friends and family that love you? I think it's the part of me that is still living in the past, in my memories. The truth of the matter is, I deserve better than anything that person ever gave or could give me...the problem is, I wish they could've. But that's not really how life works, none of us really DESERVE anything. All I can do is treat everyone the way I would want, with respect, kindness and dignity, and if I don't get that in return then I have to learn to say goodbye. So goodbye, I hope you learned some things about yourself like I have. Thanks for the memories, the good and the bad and I hope you find the happiness within yourself you've been searching for.
#SalomonSquad #TimeToPlay 📷: @krittylevorson
A friend after finding out I'm a Cancer "no wonder you're so emotional" 😂 It's true, I am. Not in the traditional sob and get upset about everything, but I feel really deeply and when it comes to trying to convince myself I'm not good enough for something or someone, I'm a pro. I'm not sensitive but when you have found a way to hurt my feelings, it hurts for a long time. I pride myself on being and getting as physically strong as I can but you could puncture a hole in my gut with just the way you treat me once. But I also believe the best in people and if you apologize sincerely, I'll forgive you. I'm also loyal AF, get in tight with me and I'll always be there for you if I can. I appreciate intelligence, kindness and willingness to change. I don't take myself very seriously...until I do. I thrive on adventure and laughter. I hate wasting people's time as much as I hate my own being wasted but what counts as waste is subjective. I don't like it when you show up late but I'll watch a whole season of a TV show in one sitting. What's the point of admitting all this? To recognize both my strengths and my weaknesses and accepting them as all a part of me. The imperfections are what make me who I am, it's how people know me and choose to love me anyway...at least the ones that matter. The more you understand about yourself, the easier it is to work on the things you should and accept the things that don't need changing. #SalomonSquad #TimeToPlay 📷: @trail_kat
